


It's about your feelings!

by MouseBouse



Series: Shadowhunters Season 1 Codas [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Coda, Gen, Mid 1x09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:22:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6260128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MouseBouse/pseuds/MouseBouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An insight into Alec's mind during his fight with Jace in 1x09.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's about your feelings!

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://mousebouse.tumblr.com).
> 
> ([Of_dreamdust](/users/of_dreamdust), "al' da sede na 'ladnom betonu...")

“It's about me! It's about your feelings! It's because you're in ---“

Alec had thought many times about punching his _parabatai_ in the face to get him to stop talking, but never in his wildest dreams had he imagined it in this context. Never had he thought that Jace knowing about his feelings would hurt so much, that Jace would acknowledge those feelings like _this_.

He couldn’t let him finish that sentence. He couldn’t let those words be said. He had never said them out loud, _no one_ had ever said them out loud. Well, with the exception of Clary, but he refused to think about her now.

So he punched him with all the strength he could gather from the position he was being held in.

He fought him with all the repressed emotions he’d held in for years, turning them into anger, into rage. How dare Jace do this? How can he not see why Alec is doing this? That this was about his _family_. That this was about doing what he was always taught. 

“DO IT! I don’t wanna be alive if we’re on different sides, Alec!”

Alec held the seraph blade to his _parabatai_ ’s throat with only one thing on his mind. _Sed lex, dura lex_. Shadowhunter children were raised with that sentence embedded in their brains. _The Law is hard, but it is the Law_. And Jace was breaking that Law now. For a girl. For Valentine’s daughter. For--- for what _he_ thought was right. Wasn’t that exactly what Alec was doing, too? Wasn’t that why he had proposed to Lydia? Why he’d let Magnus leave when all he wanted to do was ask him to stay? Because he thought it was the right thing to do to achieve what he believed in?

He pulled back and sat on the cold concrete, lowering the blade slowly and looking at the floor. He could hear Jace talking from above him, asking, no, _begging_ him to join him. But he couldn’t. Not now. Not when he knew the truth about his parents, not when he was questioning everything they’d ever told him. His parents had been Valentine’s followers, they’d fallen for his charm, for his dedication to a cause. And now Jace was asking him to do the same. Asking him to break the Law. Jace was not Valentine, Alec knew this, and still he looked at his _parabatai_ and said it. Said the one word that he’d never said to him. Said the one syllable that he knew could destroy what they had.

“No.”


End file.
